One Long Day

This is the third of several posts about my experience of the yoga teacher training course at a Sivananda ashram near Madurai. If you haven't yet, please scroll down and read the previous two posts...or for the whole story as it unfolded, you might go back to late November.

What's it like to spend a day at the ashram? It's a long day. What's it like to spend 28 days there? Perhaps just the same; already in memory the entire time hovers as one very long, blissful day.

Metaphysical anomaly?
Potential explanations?

(1) The whole thing was a dream, and as a dream melts in the moments after waking, the 28 days are now fading fast. Just one long, odd day left.

(2) Swamiji once pointed out in vedanta lecture how expressions like "passing time," "spending time," and "wasting time" are comforting but misleading. In fact, time wastes us. Spends us. Passes us. At the ashram we practiced mindfulness: total awareness of the present moment, present action, present breath. There's no time in the present. Total presence, total mindfulness, was a bit of a lofty goal of course (i.e., having achieved complete presence, absolute purity of mind, I am now writing to you from samadhi...I am writing to you? We are writing to us...I am writing to I...I am writing...I am....I...I...I...). Right. So there's no time in the present. Therefore, if we were more mindful, occasionally fully present, during those 28 days....then there was NO TIME for part of those 28 days....which means that the 28 days could seem at once shorter (subtract the no-time presents) and longer (endless. Timeless. No time in the present, the present without time).

(3) The whole thing seems like one long day because every day was nearly the same. With a few exceptions, we did the exact same thing, day after day after very long day. When there is neat structure to time and space so that everything has purpose and little is "idle" or wasted; when everything is rhythmical....it all becomes the same. In the most delicious, un-monotonous way.

And the long day went like this:

5:30 Wake-up

Softest ascent from sleep with gentle, steady tolling bells. Fumbling in the dark for the mosquito net corner.Gather towel, toothbrush etc. from cupboard and walk the entire length of the women's dorm to the showers. Past quiet focussed action in each cell as 40 other women rise, change, gather things, make beds. Toilet. Cold shower to wash off sleep, wash off tamas. Back to the cell. Hang towels neatly. Dress in uniform: white cotton drawstring trousers, yellow TTC t-shirt. Make bed, fold pyjamas. Take bag of books, meditation shawl, mala beads. Out the door...

6:00-7:30 Morning Satsang
Half hour (plus or minus) japa meditation. Seated (or trying to sit) in rows on cushions on bamboo mats. 45 minutes chanting as the sky lightens: Jaya Ganesha, various bhajans. Om Traymabakan, Arati. Then, prasad: a handful of nuts or grains, a piece of fruit, or (joy!) rice pudding.

7:30-8:00
CHAI! One or maybe two steaming little metal cups of hot soul-charging spiced milky tea, with a spoonful of jaggery.
Sipped in the quiet early morning light. Another handful of leftover prasad. And quick change into clothes for asana class.

8:00-10:00 Morning Asana Class


We learned how to teach. Some practice, some listening to lecture and watching demos...and then 2 weeks of small-group teaching; 2 chances each to teach the Sivananda basic open class to your group.






10:00-10:30 Food
Ah, the food. I miss the food. Lacto-veg, low-fat, no onions, chilis, garlic, spice, low sugar, very low salt. Super-fresh, prepared and served with care and love, beautiful colour and texture and taste. Rice--or rice pancakes (dosa), or steamed fermented rice cakes (idly), or rice noodles. Between one and three vegetable stews or dals or curries (hearty mung bean dal. Ginger-potato-coconut stew. Pineapple curry.) Some raita, or raw beet salad, or cucumber tomato salad, or a handful of fresh green mung beans, just beginning to sprout. Mix it all up on the platter, drizzle with buttermilk. Crush over the top one hot, salty fried pappad (so unyogic. But provided nonetheless because we ate them with 100% appreciation). Pack a morsel together with the right hand, and....eat.

10:45-11:45 (or throughout the day) Karma Yoga
Weekly rotations through a variety of work duties around the ashram. Mine were: (1) sweeping, scrubbing, mopping, drying the dining hall floor after the 10:00 meal. (2) carrying, unrolling, re-rolling, and returning to storage the bamboo mats we sat on for satsang and lectures. Before and after every satsang and lecture.
(3) Bellringer! Every other day, ringing the bell 10 minutes before the next thing on the schedule. This one rocked, because I had karma yoga time free. But it kind of sucked because I had to watch the clock all day, and one of the best things about ashram life was timelessness. (4) Garbage. Emptying bins around the ashram and taking them to the compost or central bins.

Karma yoga is the best mirror. For ego, I-ness, my-ness. For the way in which everything we do--the smallest acts--have far-reaching, unknowable effects (and I'm talking in this lifetime). Things I learned from karma yoga:
-It is very very difficult to do something selflessly. Not to "do" something selfless, but to do something selflessly.
-When I judge others, I judge from ego. Who am I to know, to say, to judge?
-When someone gives direction or a suggestion about how to do something a better way...listen, try it, thank them. With humility. It probably is a better way.
-Monkeys like compost.

12:00-1:15 Lecture I
For ten days we had chanting
lecture. We chanted.And learned...some stuff about the chants? Not sure. Not very good lectures. Very hard to stay awake. For the next 2.5 weeks, we had Bhaghavad Gita lecture. Lovely! With a little old yogi from Delhi who praised us when we chanted well, gently called us back when we drifted off, sometimes held lecture under a great old mango tree in a corner of the ashram, and clearly knew his subject.

1:15-1:45
Chai part II. Usually much needed at this point, after dozing off in lecture.
Also, headstand workshop (pre-chai), for those of us who couldn't headstand at the start of the course.

2:00-3:45 Lecture II
Swamiji's enthralling, humourous, intoxicating lectures on Vedantic philosophy. Mind-blowing (literally?) Vedanta. I won't butcher it by attempting a summary. By far the most unexpected, pleasant part of the whole TTC. Trust what is elegant.

4:00-6:15 Afternoon Asana Class
Aka, BBC (Bone-Breaking Class). Whereas the morning class was about teaching, the afternoon was for our own practice. We'd settle onto the mats just before 4 with the deepest sense of relief. Minds still reeling from lecture, from the intense day, and now--4:00 class--we'd made it. Release. The homestretch, the good stretch. Just this 2 hours of body work, all downhill to bedtime. Deep deep stretching, and incredible energy throughout the hall, and focus (or laughter, if our giant-hearted teacher was in comedic mode). Always surprised at how deep I was in a posture. Easy depth. Depth in asanas, also savasana, deepest relaxation. Space and light and nothing else.

6:15-6:45 Food
Like the morning meal, but lighter. Fewer dishes, smaller portions,
usually no pulses (only rice and vegetables). With fruit. Ripe juicy pineapple spears. Fuzzy brown-sugar-bomb chicoos, a wedge of tart creamy guava, a handful of glistening ruby pomegranate seeds. This picture is of our Christmas Feast: banana leaves instead of metal trays; twice as many dishes, and pickle, and payasam.

6:45-8:00 Free Time
"Free" meant homework: daily lecture summaries, chant-copying, outlines of beginners' yoga classes. Also chatting, washing clothes, calling home. Excellent instructional videos were aired at this time--on anatomy, nutrition, the lives of Swami Sivananda and Swami Vishnu-Devananda, on the "healing properties of water." I only went to a few (that hour of free time was precious, and lecture summaries had to be finished).

8:00-9:45 Evening Satsang
About half an hour of japa meditation. An hour of chanting and readings. Closing prayers. Prasad.

10:00 Lights out.

Prompt Purification

This is the second of several posts about my experience of the yoga teacher training course at a Sivananda ashram near Madurai. If you haven't yet, please scroll down and read the previous post...or for the whole story as it unfolded, you might go back to late November.

Enjoy the first week, they said, the first week when everything is new and interesting and wonderful. Enjoy because, they warned us, things would start to "come up." Physical symptoms: pain, skin break-outs, illness. Emotional ups and downs. The mind would start to question, to protest, everything about ashram life. They warned us, they said: let it happen. It is good. It is part of the purification process. Week 2; crisis week. Week 3; crisis peaks. Purification.

No need to wait for week 2. Physical purification started the moment I arrived, and--once they said I could stay--I ate it up, swam in it, asked for more.

The caffeine-withdrawal headache hit first. My love affair with coffee began in college with really good cappuccinos, funky cafe tables, intriguing neighbors, and book/notepad at hand. But this near-daily indulgence evolved over the last 3 years into a nasty, mindless habit of 3-4 daily cups of even (blech) questionable dishwater coffee.

No coffee at the ashram.
(We were incredibly lucky to have chai, starting towards the end of week 1. More about chai later.)

Caffeine-purification involved a nauseating, brain-splitting headache pulsating about an inch or two behind my left eye. I spent the first three days slumped over in lectures and even satsang, thumb pressed firmly in the crook between nose and browbone, trying (failing) to breathe it away. Visualizing the chemicals balancing out. And also dreaming of a stream of hot, black, almost syrupy espresso; tan foamy crema swirling on top, hissing steam frothing hot milk....why not place a little square of darkest chocolate, just-so, on the edge of the saucer? Throbbing, then knifing, then throbbing again; burning and pounding and always the left eye.
And on the 4th morning, I woke, and it was gone.
The amazing thing is I was never need-a-coffee-sleepy through this process. Pranayama kicks caffeine's ass. (More about pranayama later).

2nd morning--in the throes of caffeine hell--I had to run out of satsang during closing prayers and kirtan. My empty stomach emptied itself even more, neatly, into the wastebins outside the hall. I wasn't India-stomach ill. Just, maybe, needing to purge a whole bunch of stress and fatigue and negative emotion from the previous few days. Up and out, quick and easy.

By day 3, my knees, back, and hips were starting to go. We sat (i.e., on the floor, cross-legged) 5-7 ours each day; I wasn't even used to sitting at home for daily meditation. They told us to sit comfortably. To move when we needed to; pain will only distract the mind. But there are only so many different positions to sit in, to switch to. Eventually they all became painful. Sharp knives in the knees, and cramping hip flexors, and hot dull knots between the shoulder blades. How many different ways can you fold up a 12" square pillow? I looked with deep envy at some of the other students and staff, more experienced yogis and meditators; their spines long and straight and still; hips relaxed and falling fully open, knees resting on the floor. Squirm, readjust, refold the pillow. Cross legs. "Clear the cheeks" (pull excess flesh from the sitbones). Stretch out the left leg, then the right. Careful! Stretch it sideways, don't point the toes at the altar. Hug knees to chest. Kneel on heels. Kneel on pillow. Back to crossed legs. Give up; slouch the spine and rest elbows on knees. Keep one leg crossed; hug the other knee to the chest. Ooh, chin rest! Switch. Cross and re-cross the legs. Lean back on the elbows. Kneel again. 1 pillow, 2 pillows, 3 pillows...rolled up yoga mat...and the pain only grew.

I'm not sure when it subsided. Just gradually got better. Maybe aided by some serious hip stretching that began in week 2. By better pillow-folding techniques. By growing core strength, and a calmer mind. I can sit for an hour now, more or less in comfort. Lotus, however, is not looking likely. In this life, at least.